Where to Start, Where to Start…
Starting from the beginning seems fitting. I’m in a foreign country, sat in a café that has become my "go-to" over the past week. This café gets the big tick because it a) meets my hygiene standards, b) provides enough personal distance between me and the stranger next door, c) feels “safe”, d) is aesthetically pleasing, and e) the environment is conducive to the work I need to complete. This may not seem like a "biggie" to most, but upon reflection, I’ve realized any cafe that falls outside of this imagined criteria, makes me feel uncomfortable and challenged. The sensation of unfamiliarity rocks my world, in a world that already feels like it’s been chucked into a paper bag and given a fantastic shake. But what I’ve also come to understand is the necessity of being challenged. If am not being challenged, I am not growing. If I am not growing, I am standing still. And who wants that? Not me. So, I’ve set a challenge for myself: to continue challenging myself. How? Baby steps.
My Baby Steps Methodology:
- What Do I Want? I aim to explore and find the right space where I can work. This step is vital, especially coming from a background where I was often told what to do, think, and feel. Identifying what I truly want is the first crucial step in my journey.
- Research: I turn to Google, diving into blogs, reviews, and videos. This step is key for preparing myself, helping to alleviate any anxiety and stress.
- Make a Shortlist: It's easy to get lost in endless research. Making a shortlist brings clarity, helping to distinguish the essential from the noise.
- Take the Leap: Eventually, it’s about stepping out with courage. The worst that could happen? I find a place isn’t a fit, but that’s alright. The best? Discovering something beyond my expectations.
These steps are more than just actions; they're a way to navigate through my fears and anxieties, acknowledging them one by one.
This "picking the perfect cafe to work" scenario highlighted a chink in my armor. I learned I have some real hangups about getting things wrong, and specifically choosing the best destination. When I get it "wrong", I beat myself up hard. I feel like I've failed. I feel guilty. I feel like I’m subconsciously bracing myself. I have so much anxiety and stress around getting it wrong. Why such a drastic response? I’m triggered. I’ve had a history of emotional and mental abuse. It was my unofficial role to be the admin/planner for my family. It was the worst thing possible to pick a place that didn’t measure up to the high standards of some close family members. And boy did they let me know about it. I would receive an onslaught of complaints if something wasn’t to their satisfaction. It actually made it really difficult to find places that they were happy with. I had to make sure I completed rigorous research before making any decision. I was so unsure of myself. I had so much doubt in my own abilities. I had no confidence in my ability to make decisions. Just constantly second guessing myself.
So now, when I pick up that I am being triggered, I've learned to pause and reflect. Understanding my baseline emotional and mental state allows me to recognize when I'm off-balance. Asking myself questions about what I’m feeling and why helps me identify the root cause of these triggers, providing a pathway to address and heal them. This approach has been transformative, particularly in dealing with the impacts of past emotional abuse on my decision-making. Acknowledging these effects has begun to loosen their hold on me, gradually boosting my confidence in making choices. My guiding affirmation through all this? Trust yourself.
A recent incident underscored the value of listening to my Spirit Guides and intuition. I was feeling low, sad, lost, and confused. I felt a pull, an inner voice telling me to read a book, Super Attractor, even though at the time, I just felt like mindlessly scrolling on my phone. The message in the pages I turned to spoke directly to my situation, offering me much needed guidance on rising above fear. This was no mere coincidence but a clear sign of spiritual guidance, precisely what I needed at that moment, helping to clear the cloud of negativity.
I wish to extend this conversation to you. Your stories of navigating personal and spiritual growth, how you've been supported, or found your path, are immensely valuable. Sharing your experiences can not only inspire and comfort others, but it also demonstrates to others who might being through similar experiences that they are not alone in their journey. It can also give us perspective on our own story.
So, tell us, how have you been supported in your journey?